Posted: May 3, 2010 in homework, therapy, Uncategorized, values

Oh. My. F-ing. God! I think I may go postal on my neighbors (if I don’t go postal at work first). It seems they have turned their music down. Just a minute ago the downstairs music had their music pounding, again! It’s so loud it makes my apartment shake. And then they gather on their patio, which would be fine if it didn’t send clouds of cigarette smoke through my open balcony door. I will be so glad when we move out of here!

But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about (oh for the love of god, does louder really make the music sound better!?) my values that I’m supposed to write for homework for my therapist.

(How about some peace and quiet!)

One value is that my mother is pagan, not a hedonist. (cheap shot I know, but I’m still pissed about it).

My number one value (which I’ve already told her) is family — despite the hot mess that my family is. I try to keep my family together, even though I’m horrible at keeping in touch. The thing is, people don’t exist if they aren’t right there with me. It’s hard to describe. It’s not that I don’t care about them. It’s just that my brain doesn’t work that way for some reason. So my family now is me, my husband, our dog, and our two cats. I try to make sure they’re happy and healthy, which isn’t always easy when I’m not feeling well (mentally or physically). I’m most disappointed with myself when I think I’m a bad wife. This usually happens when dishes don’t get done or I don’t cook dinner or the apartment is a mess (and, strangely enough, organization is not one of my values, nor one of my skills).

I value love. Not just romantic love, but worldly love. The kind of love you hold for everyone. The kind of love that Jesus spoke of. The kind of love that forces me to care about the well-being of a perfect stranger. I try to love everyone. Even if I don’t like you, I will still go out of my way for you if you really need it. And I think that’s what love really is.

I value my faith and spirituality, though you wouldn’t know it lately. But even when I do kind of go astray, I do still value god(dess) and that higher love. Sometimes I’m a little more involved than other times.

I value the environment. Certain situations make it difficult to practice. Being environmentally conscious (or even health conscious) is expensive. Also, since I live in an apartment I need plastic bags to pick up after my dog’s business on our walks. But I do care about the environment.

I value education. And I don’t just mean high degrees. I guess what I really mean is I value learning. The only time I’ll stop seeking new knowledge — well, even when I’m dead I imagine I’ll still be seeking knowledge (and yes I do believe in an afterlife AND reincarnation for anyone wondering).

[as a side note, Alyssa Milano is on the Daily 10. Love her!]

I value whatever the opposite of conflict is. I don’t know if it’s necessarily peace because I understand the role of conflict in life, I just don’t want it in my life. Maybe it’s more of a fear than a value. I hate arguments and confrontations.

My therapist said, as an example of a value, that many people value integrity. I laughed silently at that. First you have to know the truth in order to stick to it. I think of people with integrity as people who are true to themselves. That’s hard to do when you don’t know what that means.

I value imagination and creativity. I wish I could be a kid again — without all the baggage. Because then I could play, imagine, and create without the world telling me that it wasn’t appropriate. Why can’t a 20-something go down the slide in the playground without judgment?

I totally value humor and laughter. I think it’s good for the soul. And yes sarcasm plays a major role in my humor. So sometimes I’m a little tongue in cheek. I like edginess and pushing the envelope.

Well, I’m getting kind of bored so I’m going to watch my DVR’d Kendra and Pretty Wild.


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