R U Serious?

Posted: May 2, 2010 in depression, friends, frustration

People are frustrating. People with issues that go on forever are frustrating. People with issues who don’t help themselves or seek help even though they’ve been told over and over again are frustrating. I don’t know what else to say. I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, only worse. I’m talking to a brick wall that talks back. And what a trickster! I tell it things that could help, and it pretends to listen. But after I’ve said the same thing over 10 times or more, I realize the brick wall isn’t really listening. Because it likes to be miserable.

Several times I have heard the theory (or has it been proven?) that strong emotions can create chemical paths in the brain. Every time you feel that emotion, the path gets deeper. So with depression the path gets walked again and again and it becomes an addiction. So we get addicted to depression. Even I have this addiction. I sometimes think I don’t, and I like to pretend to fight it, but as soon as I get depressed, it all comes crashing down. It’s like an old friend that despite my pretenses, I greet like a long lost lover. And I know it’s an addiction. But at least I am able to have moments without it. I see doctors, I take meds, I go to therapy. I try to help myself when I have my senses so that when I don’t have my senses it’s not as bad.

But I am so frustrated with telling a person that they need to help themselves and the things that will help, and have them accept that, and not do it! I understand they need help. But if they don’t seek that help then I can’t do anything. But I’m not going to dump this relationship, it’s too important to me. But I am so tired of this and I have nothing left to say.

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