when you don’t fit in the box

Posted: March 21, 2010 in bipolar disorder, blogging, depression, feelings, health, mood swings

First off let me apologize for what is likely to be atrocious punctuation usage. I’m posting from my phone and am too lazy to deal with the shift vs alt key.

So…I was reading the split lifestlye blog (refer to my blogroll for the link) and the author was talking about starting to take her health seriously. And it hit me. I really have not been very gunho about my emotional and mental health. Ok I don’t really spend a lot of time working on my health in general. My idea of taking care of myself is dealing with each crisis as it happens. Not very proactive at all.

Probably the most basic tool a person with a mood disorder can use is a mood chart. I have tried several times to keep up with that and always fail. Here’s why. Usually you are supposed to rate your mood on a scale of 1-10. The 1 and the 10 can mean different things, depending on if its a depression scale or a bipolar one. So basically the entire range of human emotion comes down to a 10 digit scale. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t work for me. Not only that but it also assumes that a person feels one general mood throughout the day. The way one therapist described it to me was that emotions fluctuate, but there is a base mood that isn’t ad easily influenced. …right… My moods just aren’t that simple.

So here’s my solution: a word mood chart. I will poist to this blog 3 times a day with an update on mymood. I apologize if this causes any of my dear readers inconvernience. If, like me, you are bored throughout the day this will give u more to read. Or it might just be annoying. If it bothers a lot of readers I can make those posts private. We’ll see how it goes.

Current mood: rebellious- I’m so sick of societal conventions. I want to drink, get tatoos, pose for playboy without worrying if I’ll be ostracized or never have/lose my job. (Not that playboy would ever select me as a modrl, this is hypothetical). Society is just so damn conservative and its stifling.
Kind of sad- I just watched Kendra on E! And totally related to a lot of her insecurities and self-doubt.
Proud- okay this might be the silliest of all. I’ve watched Kendra since the Girls Next Door show and love her! To see her as a wife and mom and after watching her true hollywood story I’m so proud! I know I don’t know her but its like really identifying with a character in agood book or on a long running show.
Jealous- I want the hollywood lifestyle.

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Comments
  1. rmads says:

    I totally understand you. The past week especially I’ve noticed that I go through too many emotions in a day. I have to track my moods as well but I chose to do it through my blog as well as charting them. It’s harder to chart it because like you said its as if you have one mood a day and i dont think im able to rate my moods. It’s so hard

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