Get Me Out Of Here

Posted: March 18, 2010 in agitation, anxiety, apathy, bad day, psychiatrist, therapist, therapy, work

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER***

I am so anti-social today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t laugh or smile really. I have no affect basically. I’m getting pissed off at the littlest things. I can’t focus AT ALL. I think I’m anxious, but I’m not sure. I feel like a horrible supervisor. I had a one on one with my Graduate Assistant and it was just useless. I couldn’t even focus, let alone stay on track with the agenda. We always start out by her checking in with how she’s doing in general. Today’s meeting by the time we were through it all I had depleted my energy, focus, and ability to care. I really just don’t care right now. At all. And yet I’ve got tears trying to get out the back of my eyes. I’ve got my angry Pandora station going. I’m sitting in my office with the door mostly closed. I get irritated every time someone knocks. I haven’t done any work today.

Thank god my husband’s home today. I just hope he doesn’t invite anyone over. Otherwise I might have to hole myself up in the bedroom. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. How can I go from great to horrible in such a short amount of time? There wasn’t even a trigger! I don’t even know. I finally pinned down a new therapist. I see her next week. I have three psych appointments next week: Dr. A-Hole, ADD Guy, and brand new shiny therapist. Dr. A-Hole will undoubtedly be fifteen minutes of him talking about things I don’t care about. Then I’ll ask him to refill my meds since I’m out of refills. And that will be that.  ADD Guy, well it really depends on what my mood is and what he says. If he says I don’t have ADD then that’s that. If he says I do have ADD, and I’m feeling unusually assertive, then I’ll question how he got there. And I’ll tell him exactly what my opinion is of his so called ADD screening process. Brand new shiny therapist should be fun. I enjoy intake appointments. It’s the follow up appointments that suck. Apparently I like complaining, but I don’t like critically thinking about the things I complain about. Makes sense.

Well, I somehow have to pass an hour away as I really don’t feel like asking my supervisor to go home early. One, I don’t want to talk to anybody. Two, that would require getting out of my seat. Apparently staring blankly at my computer for an hour is more appealing than going home early.

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