The Cord Is Cut

Posted: March 9, 2010 in borderline personality disorder, change, health, life, mental illness, paganism

Well, I’ve done the deed.

I sent an email out to my pagan group letting them know I will no longer be attending.

Here are my reasons:

  1. My schedule just does not permit it. That evening that I had forced my supervisor to let me have I can no longer have. The children just aren’t keeping up the communication, so I have to show my face at more of their meetings.
  2. Funny thing about mental issues and pagans-they notice it. I certainly don’t want my sudden mental instability affecting their spell work.
  3. There is a strong possibly I will be moving over the summer.
  4. I really, really cannot get into the whole Wicca thing. Every time they mention Lord and Lady, or refer to object as male or female, I cringe. Part of it has to do with the fact that I was raised in the Women’s Magick tradition, and there I remain. To me energy is just energy. Gender is a human concept. Energy doesn’t need female and male parts to breed. It’s like an amoeba. Also, my new educational pursuits concerning transgender issues has forced me to further question the labels of female and male. I simply don’t believe it is a dichotomy. And if I don’t believe that on a social level, how can I accept it on a spiritual level.
  5. Quite bluntly, my Borderline self can’t handle being in that social group. I need consistent reactions from people, otherwise I’m constantly wondering if they actually like me or not. I don’t get that from this group. There are a few members that genuinely seem to like me. But I have felt, at times, left out, belittled, ignored, and/or chastised. My wee self-esteem just can’t handle that.
  6. Finances. I cannot afford to buy the books, the supplies and materials, and the fund raising required to fully participate in this group.

So, now that I’ve laid it all out, I feel better about this decision.

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