Confused Much?

Posted: August 12, 2009 in borderline personality disorder, email group, identity, therapist, therapy

The new therapist says I don’t have bpd. I’m too self-aware to have a personality disorder. But she can’t say whether or not i have borderline traits.

I am on this fantastic yahoo group. Most of the people in the group have bpd. I can relate to a lot of the things people in that group say. They can relate to things I say. One of the group members says only I know my own mind.

I don’t know my own mind. That’s part of my problem. That’s what I hope to discuss in therapy.

I don’t think I’m too self aware to have a personality disorder. I think I’m a smart cookie. And after I do something I can link it to what I’ve read about bpd and say “maybe this is why I did that.” If I realized what i was doing in the moment–or could stop it–then I wouldn’t do it. Duh! I also think it’s really belittling to people with personality disorders to assume they have no self-awareness.

But what it comes down to is that I still don’t know whether or not I have bpd. I’m not inclined to agree with a therapist’s idea after our second session. I also don’t think my problems are as serious as other experiences.

I just don’t know!

  1. Borderline Lil says:

    I agree, Ari, that it's belittling for a therapist to assume people with personality disorders have little or no self-awareness! And I'm not just saying that because I have a PD haha. There are so many different kinds of self-awareness, and I tend to be very self-aware in some areas and then other areas I am just learning how and why my BPD affects my behaviour. I consider myself to definitely have BPD and to be very self-aware (and my shrink agrees). There are so many different experiences of BPD, and varying degrees of the illness and its co-morbidities (depression, etc) it can be hard to know if and how we "fit". Only you can work it out, IMHO.

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