The Beast

Posted: August 11, 2009 in depression

***THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING***

Depression is a horrible, terrifying beast. With snarling sharp teeth and viscious claws, it plays with me as if I were a toy at the mercy of cruel cat. The thing about my depression is that it mercilessly plays with me. I can be fine for an hour, a day, sometimes longer, and then bam! I’m back in its relentless clutches.

In those moments–far to brief–when I have gotten away from the monster, I can think of all the things to get rid of it. I’m quite resourceful when my mind is clear. I have all these plans to escape the clutches of my personal demon. Plans that have a chance of success.

But when those jaws snap shut again all that will-power falls by the wayside. How can I can implement “mind over matter” when the matter has a death grip on my heart. One wrong mood and rip! no more heart, no more soul, no more anything really.

The beast won’t let me go until it gets bored and let’s me loose for a while. So that even when I’m free, I can feel it’s constant presence on my shoulders. It lurks with evil, sadistic eyes and laughs to itself.

“You haven’t escaped me yet, little girl. Don’t get too cocky.”

Even my Knight in Shining Armor cannot slay the beast. No family or friend can keep me free of its claws for long.

Will I ever slay this demon?

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