If this is to be meaningful…

Posted: July 22, 2009 in bipolar disorder, blogging, borderline personality disorder, boredom, cutting, depression

Apparently, I like to talk about myself. And apparently I like to talk about myself in a public setting while remaining anonymous. Why might I think this? A) I write more on this blog than I ever have in a journal. B) I post more to this blog than I ever have on my other non-anonymous everyday life blog. In fact, that blog is quite neglected and I might just abandon it.

Now, having realized this revelation, it comes to my attention that if I truly wish this blog to aid me in my (non?)recovery, I should actually write something meaningful and document the things I do–even when they’re bad.

So, two nights ago I was in a very very bad place. Even though I had finally found a psychiatrist I think the stress of the weekend and the absence of my husband sent me into the downward spiral to hell. (I’m sure some of you have been there. Maybe even bought a t-shirt?) So I was having a not good time. And did some stupid things. And finally took some Nyquil to put me to sleep so that I wouldn’t do an even more stupid thing.

Yesterday, knowing that my husband was working the evening again, I asked my coworker to hang out. And my what a difference in mood. I felt so much better not being alone. By the time I got home I was only by myself for like an hour and a half–two hours tops. And Family Guy was on. Needless to say, I am in a much better place today. Perhaps now that I’ve crashed and burned (which was some weeks in coming anyway) I’ll be better for the rest of this week.

Now if only I can get rid of this boredom. Yes it is 1:30pm. And yes I’m at work. And yes I will conintue to prowl the blog world after I’m done writing this post. I’m sure there’s something I could do to be productive, but for the life of me I don’t know what it is. I’m looking at my to do list and there’s nothing that I need to do right now. Especially not when I only have three hours tomorrow filled with meetings and only an hour and a half on Friday.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have more to do. But for now, I shall prowl.

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